Forgiveness is Healing

Yes, forgiveness brings healing to individuals and relationships. Although we know this, forgiveness is a tough thing to do sometimes. And, sometimes, we find it even harder to show someone that we have forgiven them. To help you in these circumstances, below are seven ideas on how you can show another person that you have forgiven them.

1. Don’t bring it up in the future, no matter how tempting.
2. Provide the person the opportunity to rebuild trust. You can start small, but it’s important to recognize the type of mistake the other person made and to see that they genuinely want to fix it. Give them a chance to be in a similar situation that created the problem in the first place, but this time, make the right decision.
3. Don’t brush it off if it is important. Sometimes, you need to express how their decision hurt you emotionally and then say, “I accept your apology.” These steps tell the other person that it did, in fact, bother you deeply, but you acknowledge their apology.
4. Make an effort to return to treating them normally. You don’t need to pretend like it didn’t happen, but you do need to make an effort to move past the problem and deepen the relationship. Don’t treat them like a criminal.
5. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. (This might be harder depending on what you are forgiving). The best way to show that you have forgiven someone is to show them that you are willing to be vulnerable to them again. They will see that your walls are coming down and that you have faith in them to honor your vulnerability.
6. Tell them that you care about them or how you feel about them. If you forgive a spouse or child, tell them you love them. The aforementioned shows that although you were hurt, you haven’t allowed the problem to change how much you care for them.
7. Touch. When you tell the other person that you forgive them, accept their apology, or say, “It’s OK,” touch their arm, give them a hug, or take their hand. Human contact can heal a lot physically and emotionally. Giving the other person a little bit of physical contact can reinforce your willingness to move forward with them.

For healing to occur, we need to move toward the other person after she has offered an apology. Remember that it took a lot of courage for the other person to realize they were wrong and then approach you with their remorse.

I realize that very serious circumstances make my suggestions impossible because the grievance is so severe and painful. But, even in these instances, you must find the fortitude to forgive (maybe not forget) and move on with your life. Harboring anguish and anger harms us spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Don’t give this kind of power to another person — their injury is enough.

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